Thursday, February 4, 2010

Just them.

What if at the end of the day I'm not doing what really matters? Like playing with my kids, really playing, quality playing, and not the kind where I'm acting like I'm playing but my mind is elsewhere, on dirty dishes, or showers, or facebook, or God even.

Yes, I really said that.

Because when it's 7:30 at night and I'm sighing in relief at bedtime's final arrival, I wonder. Did I see them today? Did I hear them, listen to them? And it's not 5 minutes after they're sound asleep that I don't ache to go in and scoop Zion up out of his crib and hold him for a while, nestled on my chest, knowing him. Or to slip into bed with Jersey under her flannel sheets next to her warm skin and soft hair, breathing her in and begging God to make her stay like this forever. It happens so often like this.

These indescribably normal, everyday moments are hissing by me so fast I'm wracked with whiplash and I don't know how to pause time and cement these frames of glorious-ness in mind and know that in 25 years I can go back and hold my kids, warm from a nap in my arms and it makes me mad.

There's nothing better than them. Just them in their clothes that smell of breakfast and disheveled hair and really wet kisses. Hearing Zion say *Mama, Mamaaa, MAMAAAAA* with intensity and love and Jersey telling me about baby dolls, and Astro Girl, and friends, and summer. Seeing her come into my room in the morning and telling me it's too sunny and not meaning the sun but my lamp. Feeling the weight of my son grow heavier with each turn of the page of The Big Red Barn as he makes his way to sleep and peace. Hearing about Jersey's day at school with expressions I don't recognize because she's growing so stunningly fast. Watching her enter a reality that is tangible to her as she sings over, dresses and nurses her baby doll, taking time and care and patience. Hearing Zion say, i wu wu wu, and noon, and aiwuhwuh with arms held up, and theth, and dado, and tith, and the like and knowing exactly what he means and just how to make it better. Accepting a hopeful request from Jersey to play baby dolls or a game and seeing her light up when I say yes.

No, there's really nothing better than them.

In light of this, here are some pictures, unedited, unscripted, unposed. Just them.


  1. Absolutely priceless...thanks so much for sharing from your beautiful heart...and photos of your beautiful babes! Love you!

  2. I am "anonymous" due to the fact I had trouble figuring out how to post comments!!

  3. When you become a mother, it is the most awesome feeling that you received a gift from God. The big, huge, almighty God gave you a present--your baby. Something so perfect could only come from your perfect Lover (and your perfect lover, coincidentally). I feel so honored to receive a reward from God, but I know every day that this is exactly what children are!

    Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

  4. *lovely* and pure and heartfelt.

  5. I totally relate, to all of it. Well said.

  6. Oh girl, you so "get it"! I am in that time of letting go of them, and I can see you are understanding the preciousness of this time with them! You will have a wonderful stash of memories, because you are taking the time to enjoy it right now, while it is happening! I love you even more for it!