*shrinking sheepishly at latest mama-wife manifesto*

I WILL GET BETTER.

+++

Empty dishwasher promptly at 8:30a.m. so as not to allow dirty, nastiness pile up during the day.

Pick up after yourself.

Pick up after Jersey. Teach Jersey to pick up after herself.

Pick up after Zion.

Homeschool Jersey with patience and remind yourself that this is heaven. Because it kind of is.

Eat healthily. (ie. add veggies, subtract sweets, eat salads ALL THE TIME until convinced)

When passing a used tissue on the floor, do not step over. Pick up. Throw away.

Do not exceed snooze limit of 3 times. Not ever. Get up. And tonight, remember how tired you were and try going to bed earlier. Just once.

Do dishes after dinner even though you sometimes always feel like you've run a 10k. Backwards. Really fast.

+++

+++

Baby doll passies mingling against their will with used Popsicle sticks and scribbled on paper my daughter's art.

Totino's frozen pizza that I bought for $1.59 is lookin' real good. Can't resist. Must preheat oven to 400 degrees asap. Before I change my mind.

On-the-Go Drink Mix packets and juice stained water bottles lying EVERYWHERE!

Homeschool assignments left undone. Plans left unplanned.

Zion's dry, stale cereal crumbs found in the following places: including, but not limited to, his high chair and within said toddler's throw range, every inch of family room floor, coffee table, my slippers, his hair, my hair, and floating in sippy.

Agendas looming.

Sweating cheese left from quiet time, quietly quiet on the floor beside my daughter's bed.

Clean laundry unfolded in a pile. Pause. Take second look. Remove pizza encrusted polo shirt. Yes, ahhhh, clean laundry pile. Note the word "unfolded".

Perfectly edible and planned-for-tomorrow dinner leftovers found 3 hours later still on counter. huff.

+++

I'm getting better. I am.

I am!

+++

I'd write out my progress but I can see this post is getting tired. Just trust me. I'm facing the fact that in my current state I'm lazy. And when I realized this, I scoured my brain for a magic solution for I didn't feel like working to fix it.

Yeah.

Disclaimer: My husband would say I'm not giving myself enough credit. Maybe I'm not. This is just my life as I see it, but then again I tend to wear funny glasses. And my house isn't always like this. Just sometimes. :)

my Zion.

I love his many faces, the many windows into his heart.
*I CANNOT get enough of him.*

*Farewell, old one. This girl's got new digs*

***

I'm insecure.

There.

I said it.

I did.

Because you know what? If I can name it and proclaim it then my cell begins to rattle and quake and my chains begin to let up a bit. And that feels good.

It will feel good for you too. Go ahead, stretch those arms and feel freedom.

I used to be too insecure to admit that I am insecure. Ha! I didn't want to be branded. I didn't want to be one of them. They act weird and look weird and they're annoying.

Aren't they?

Maybe, but aren't we all to some degree, no matter our condition? The fact of the matter is, us insecure folk come in a myriad of exotic shapes and fancy colors. I'm just one. And that girl I once knew that I always think of as being the poster child for insecurity, she's just another color too. Just another crazy shape. No better or worse than me, just different. You're different too. We're on variant levels with insecurities that lie in variant places, but we're all in this together. Our culture is converging it's little minions on every front and nurturing our feelings of self-doubt and it's about time we stand with our God and say enough is enough! He is mighty to save. He is able. Let us stand, seek Him, hear Him, and believe Him when He whispers His words of love to our hearts.



In the words of Beth, [I am on a] quest for real, lasting, soul-changing security. I'd be honored if you care to join me.

(Resources: Praying God's Word by Beth Moore; Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson; So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore)

***